WHY: The Concealment and The Irony
The day had come, January 10, 2006. I imagine my parents prayed throughout the night leading to January 10th. Perhaps rest for my parents was unachievable. They prayed. They rebuked the devil’s objectives. Perhaps they even fasted. Matthew 18:20 declares “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” Yet, January 10, 2006 became the day I underwent a second surgery to remove fibroid tumors. I chose to use the word “yet” because oftentimes we create expectations based upon how we perceive scriptures. And sometimes, our seasons cause our perception of scriptures to become a bit blurry.
Is it possible the word “why” has more than one tone? The obvious tone is seeking answers. Perhaps another tone is disapproval. “Why would you do that?” We often ask that question when we disapprove a particular action. In cases as such, perhaps we are not seeking to know the reason. Therefore, “why” becomes a rhetorical question. When we ask “why me, God”, are we truly seeking to understand our situation or are we expressing our disapproval?
January 10, 2006 arrived and I began to work against the forces of why’s. It was important for me not to begin sorting and establishing possible reasons. When emotions are unstable, perhaps searching for reasons then creates risks. Is it possible once we begin our search while emotionally unstable, we also begin to apply fault either to ourselves or other people? I imagine once we slip into this phase, we become extremely vulnerable to some of the many wiles of the devil. Self-doubt. Resentment. Depression.
As I began to clothe myself in easily removable garments on the morning of January 10th, I began to reflect on the day I met with my doctor to discuss surgery. My doctor had already given me the why regarding the need for surgery. So any why’s following that visit would confirm my disapproval. Our feelings are no secret to God. God already knew I was not happy with the season. So why ask why if I had my answer and God knew I was unfavorable about the season? Perhaps my why had no regards to the situation. Is it possible we also ask why because we are afraid of uncertainty? I was aware of how a second surgery to my uterus would affect my fertility journey. Perhaps my why was also because I feared the how. I suppose I would have recognized the enemy had I considered “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline” (2 Tim. 1:7 NIV).
Imagine obtaining God’s answers to all your why’s. I know…liberating, right? Now reflect upon your experiences of “not” having the answers to your why’s. Compare your experiences of having God’s answers to your experiences of “not” having God’s answers. Is it possible we sometimes dismiss the why’s for our favorable experiences as if the why’s have no significance or value to how we overcome our overwhelming wait experiences? Perhaps while waiting, we are actually existing WITHIN God’s answer.
As myself and my parents arrived to Virginia Hospital Center, I felt a sense of peace pour over me. My “why” became faint because I realized I was existing within God’s answer. I was reminded of the instructions given in Isaiah. “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help three; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” I realized the God who created me still has authority, power, and dominion over all of me. I also realized I had been placing legitiamcy upon God’s purpose over my life as a servant in His Kingdom.
The surgery was successful. The pain and discomfort were there, but controlled through prayer and pain suppressants. My recovery from the surgery was not exclusive to physical importance. My mental and emotional recovery was just as important. As I recovered from surgery, my why to God was no longer necessary to me. Of course, having a straight forward answer would have been nice. But Hebrews 11:1 says “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Not having a straightforward answer allowed my faith to grow.
Imagine recovering from a surgery, death, divorce, disappointment, etc., that most likely will undesirably affect you while your faith in God continues to grow. That is what I pray for you throughout ALL your life seasons. When the why’s arrive, assess your emotional state to make sure you are actually seeking understanding with an open mind and heart to receive or not receive straightforward answers. God already knows whether you approve the season or not. Move forward in faith and believe you ARE existing WITHIN God’s answer.
Love,
Sal B.