Regardless, God’s Plans Prevail
After seven long years enduring a season of being misdiagnosed, I finally met Dr. Price in July 2001. I was 21 at the time, but somehow fibroid tumors had already begun taking over my fertility journey at the age of 14. As I sat in the exam room listening to the causes, risks, and demographics of the diagnosis, my mind left the room. Although I disliked the experience of seven years of pain without medical explanations or a correct diagnosis, everything about the experience finally made sense to me.
Have you ever experienced a season of distress or confusion and wondered when the end of emotional, mental, and/or physical exhaustion would arrive? Death, divorce, break ups, job loss, betrayal, and injuries are just a few experiences that are challenging to process. Seasons as such certainly have a decent chance at disabling our faith, especially when the season lingers longer than expected.
I remember being excited about signing up to play high school softball. Just a few days before tryouts, I experienced an excruciating abdominal pain. That was not the first time I experienced such abdominal distress. So I presumed the experience would not be my last. At the time, I had no medical answers. I felt covered in prayer, love, and support. But I also felt alone. I expected to have answers. Instead, I wrestled with the why’s throughout high school, never participating in sports.
As I prepared myself to meet Dr. Price, I was reminded of the significance found in the number 7. The liberation gained through reflections continuously amazes me. The reflection of the number 7 definitely helped calm my mind. I remember the drive to Providence Hospital as if it were yesterday. Instead of nervousness, I felt “today, I will gain answers.” Now, this isn’t to say, the number 7 guaranteed me answers. No. It is to say, the number 7 happened to be the “trigger point” for my mental and emotional stability in that moment.
Before leaving my parents’ house with my mom for the drive to the hospital, my dad led a prayer over me. His prayer was filled with declarations! My mom and I listened to one of the gospel stations on the radio in her burgundy Buick Century. My mom’s energy provided endless happy and encouraging moments the entire day. I remember her facial expression as Dr. Price began to explain the diagnosis. Now that I am a mother, I understand her facial expression was managed by her faith in God. But her feelings were more than what she expressed upon her face. I imagine she felt the urge to cry. I imagine she whispered to herself “not my daughter.” I imagine she immediately wondered about the probability of my fertility journey.
After listening to an extremely thorough explanation of my diagnosis as well as what to expect before, during, and after surgery, Dr. Price ended the visit with this one question, “Do you desire to have children?” I answered, “Yes.” Dr. Price then smiles and organizes his notes placed in the chart. Lastly, he shakes my hand and my mom’s hands. “It was a pleasure meeting you both,” he said before leaving the exam room.
Have you ever had a moment where you just do not know how you feel, but you can eliminate at least one feeling? As I removed the hospital gown and began to reclothe myself, I felt all sorts of emotions. My mom looked at me and asked, “How do you feel?” I answered, “I don’t know, Mom. But I do not feel sad.” Perhaps, my mind was spinning by finally having answers regarding the pain and abdominal bulges while processing the idea of surgery being within two weeks of my initial doctor visit. Perhaps I was also processing the confusion of 7 years being misdiagnosed.
Having my wisdom teeth removed shortly after high school was my first surgical experience. However, removing fibroid tumors from my body was my first surgical experience that affected the usage of my entire body. Therefore, it was not an easy surgery or recovery to mentally and emotionally process. However, the experience of 7 years in a “waiting room” eventually made sense. What if I had received answers right away? Would I have gained this story to share with you? What if I had received answers right away? Would I had learned how to thrive when life hurts? In some cases, perhaps personal experiences that hurt become stimulations of growth. My sister, Dafnette Jones, published a book called The Waiting Room: Choosing to Thrive When Life Hurts. In her book she shares her fertility journey with readers to help encourage people who yearn to thrive in challenging life seasons while waiting.
In some cases, our road to life recoveries is greater than our expectations. I am blessed to have parents who never ceased advocating for me when I felt my voice was too small. I am blessed to have met Dr. Price who asked one simple question, “Do you desire to have children?” I am blessed to have prayer warriors who take over when I feel defeated. I believe after my visit with Dr. Price, he began to make requests and declarations to God on my behalf. I am grateful for the liberation I received by trusting “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)
I encourage you to create inspirational reminders for yourself; reminders that the purpose in every life season is established by only God, not you or anyone else. Seven years felt unnecessarily long. But what is long to God? Regardless of my expectations, 7 years was the purposeful timeline strategically and specifically assigned to me by God. Yes, I desperately and sometimes hopelessly sought answers to my questions. But God’s plan for me throughout those 7 years was to wait.
Waiting is not what we naturally desire. You know that wonderful feeling of relief you experience once your name is called after a lengthy experience in a waiting room as a patient? Perhaps you were initially nervous upon arriving. What amazes me is how relieved we feel once our name is called, but the actual consultation hasn’t even begun. Is it possible, we are more overwhelmed by the idea of waiting than by the actual matter?
The moment we make peace with our life journeys being strategically and purposefully designed by God regardless of our desires and expectations, perhaps we will be liberated from experiencing the maximum strength of discouragement. Will we experience despair and disappointment in addition to our joys and accomplishments in life? Absolutely. But praise God for “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10 NIV)
Now go and be a superstar even in your challenge! You are designed to win. If you believe God truly loves you, then hopefully scripture readings John 16:33, 1 Corinthians 15:57, and Romans 8:37-39 will prove regardless, you are a WINNER!
Love,
Sal B.