Lost In Adaptation
On July 8, 2008, O’Neil, Rose, and I arrived to Michigan to begin a new journey. Rose was one year old and I was approximately two months pregnant with Gabe. Although the season in Michigan and Maryland was summer, changing locations impacted how I felt about summer. Michigan certainly felt less hot compared to Maryland. Upon stepping “into the out” (a cute reference from the movie HOME) on the day of our arrival to Michigan, I bathed my skin in the cooler breezes of Michigan’s summer.
As we began to meet locals, I realized location also impacts the experiences we have with people. People in Mid-Michigan move less hastily compared to people in Maryland and New York City (NYC). NYC is where O’Neil, Rose, and I resided prior to our move to Michigan. I remember noticing the slower pace in Michigan which initially tested my patience. Eventually, I embraced the opportunity of taking my time, even though I continued to allow myself time for road delays out of habit. I am amazed by the vast differences between the mindsets of people per location.
There are many contributing variables attached to who we are and who we will become. Location is one of the variables. By July 2010, O’Neil and I confirmed Michigan as home for us, so we moved into our forever home with Rose and Gabe. Rose became a new student at an early learning center in August 2010. I remember arriving to the building in 4 inch stiletto heels. “I will not be the only one in stiletto heels,” I thought. Well, that thought was short-lived. I was indeed the only one. What I was used to seeing back at home was no longer my experience in the town to which we had moved. Eventually, I adapted to what seemed to be customary.
Adaptation does not always consciously happen. Imagine arriving to a new place. You’re excited. You’re curious. You’re ready to introduce yourself to this new place. The sun is present. All is well. Five years, a little less or a little more, you take a look at yourself and exclaim, “what in the world!” Some common reasons for adaptation are location, friendships, marriage, children, and jobs.
Adaptation is not a bad thing. In some cases, it is beneficial for you as well as parties involved. In some cases, identity is loss. Although met in the same town, I have some friends who know me as “Sal in heels” and some friends who have no clue I once wore heels every day. Michigan’s snowfalls were much more frequent than in Maryland. People in my new hometown were less likely to be seen in heels during a regular day’s routine than in Maryland. Therefore, it made sense for me to “retire” my heels, right? No.
It is important to often assess who we are as uniquely created individuals to avoid losing parts of our identity as we adapt to seasons in our life. Thus, when we feel the need to conform, we are evolving versus disestablishing fond characteristics of our identity. Imagine had I only adapted to what was necessary – winter boots during Michigan’s winters – but remained Sal by returning to my stiletto heels once snow and ice were no longer an issue. Perhaps, everything about me would not seem to be compartmentalized by location.
Wouldn’t it be nice to be known as YOU versus as inconsistently you? Perhaps fear is also a reasons for adaptation. Acceptance. Marriage. Parenthood. Jobs. Friendships, etc. Is it possible managing challenging roles and “nonnative” experiences will feel less overwhelming if we first consider our strategically created identities? What if we instead ask “how can I contribute myself to this situation” versus immediately adapting to the situation?
I remember my first time feeling overwhelmed by Michigan’s long winter. I thought I was slipping into a form of depression until someone told me it was common to experience SAD (seasonal affective disorder) during winter months. The skies were grayer for longer months than what I was used to back home. Wearing heels daily was no longer safe for approximately 5-6 months if I wanted to avoid slipping on ice. My colorful outfits were hidden behind winter coats. The struggle was real!
I recently met with a close friend of mine for a photoshoot. She admired my heels. It was in that moment I realized she had not met “Sal in heels”. She met “lost in adaptation” Sal. Talk about a lightbulb moment! I not only stopped wearing heels because of Michigan’s long winters. I also stopped wearing heels, other than for church and a few school evening affairs, because I noticed wearing stiletto heels was not common in my new hometown during regular day routines. It was in that moment I also realized I had suppressed signature Sal instead of offering signature Sal. Perhaps the struggle I experienced was rooted in my decision to suppress signature Sal, not the weather. I could have simply found another way to present signature Sal.
Imagine your signature you. It could be your hair. Your style. Your personality. Whatever it may be, it is worth being showcased because your signature you proves people are uniquely and strategically created individuals. Our life journey may take us to foreign places. Showcase yourself! Adapt when necessary. But when not necessary, perhaps the world needs to adapt to you.
Love,
Sal B.